Do You Hear The People Sing? *SPOILERS. LES MIS SPOILERS*

                                                Do you hear the people sing,

                                              Singing the song of angry men.

                              It is the music of the people who will not be slaves again.

                                              When the beating of your heart

                                              Echoes the beating of the drums
                                There is a life about to start when tomorrow comes.


 Yep. I watched Les Mis (finally). I don't even know where to begin sharing my feels. If you havent seen it yet stop reading right now.
     
  The main thing that really got me that I wanna talk about, that hit me deep, was the barricade. Specifically, when the barricade fell and everyone...died. (except Marius...four for you, Marius. You GO Marius!) See, while main character's deaths are always painful and sad, there something about the multiple young people, especially when theyre all good friends, and you only know them for a short time, but you fall in love with them in that time, and you wish them to succeed in whatever they are trying to achieve. They were so full of passion. They were willing to die for revolution, and they did. I think that scene made me cry harder than any other scene in the movie. When Marius started singing "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables"...oh gosh. He was voicing everything I think and feel when characters die, especially young groups like that. It's not just like "Ohmygosh they died I liked them that's so saddddd". It's deeper than that. I start thinking about everything they did...the places they liked to hang out together, or in this case, talk of revolution together and sing together. And I think about how they're never gonna do that again. They're never gonna sing passionately about revolution, never share drinks and laugh together...empty chairs at empty tables. I couldn't find the way to put that feeling into words, but Marius put it into song, perfectly.

 

Letters

 Does anyone else have one drawer or box you keep all your letters you've gotten - not cards, letters- and sometimes you look in it and you see the variety of different stationaries and handwritings and envelopes from different people who care about you and write to you and it just looks so nice and pretty and you just feel loved? Cause I do. I love letters. I mean, I do love email and messaging and texting, cause its so quick and you can have a real time conversation with someone, and I like that, and I use all of those a lot. But letters are so much more personal. Everyone has their own handwriting and signature and maybe even different papers and envelopes they use, their letters are so personalized. So one-of-a-kind.You can frame special letters and hang them on your wall. Unlike electronic stuffs, you can actually touch and feel and hold letters in your hands as you hear the person's voice while you read the whole page or more of what they are telling you. It's like you're holding a little piece of them in your hands. And you can keep letters forever. Letters are there days or weeks or years later, when you want to take them out in the middle of the night to re-read them and maybe clutch them to your chest while you close your eyes and just remember. Letters are one of those simple things that are just so nice.

Little Freedoms

I know life as an adult isnt all fun and games. I know its hard. But part of me still cant wait to move out. Not because i just wanna get away from my parents (okay maybe juuust a bit..ya know, personal space) but because i wanna be free to make choices. Not the big choices (the big choices can scare me) but the little choices: what furniture i will have in my apartment/house, who i will hang out with after work, what music i will listen to and how loud, how late i wanna stay up, what i buy at the store, what i do with my spare time......just the little things. The little freedoms. Thats all.

Social Anxeity?

So I found this picture on the internet, and it really got me thinking. I've always been shy. I  know, I know, Im not shy once you get to know me (not shy at ALL) but I can actually relate to every one of these. I am homeschooled, but I take classes at a Friday co-op. Theres only about 10 other people in my botany class, and I know every single one by name, and even if the answer is right infront of me, I panic when the teacher calls on me. So I always say I dont know. Thats one reason why I could never go to public school: getting called on in class and/or getting embarassed infront of everyone. Just the thought of it makes me wanna cover my face with my hands and curl into a ball and never come out. Im so scared I'll be embarassed. Thats another thing:embarrassment. I cant handle embarrassment. I just cant handle it. Im pretty sure it could be classified as a legit fear in my case. And I actually do stay awake at night sometimes, reliving my most embarrassing moments. And they do, to a degree, "haunt" me. Another reason I couldnt go to public school is just so many people! Like, I do like people, but that many people? I feel like Im being judged by everyone and Im soooo paraniod of making a fool of myself. Then theres the grocery store. It takes a lot of force and firmness for my mom to park outside the store and get me to go in a buy 1 or 2 things myself. Dont even get me started on phone calls. I cant even call my grandma, guys. My grandma. And my mom is always all "That is sad, Charity. You cant even call yoru grandma. That is sad." I know its sad. I try to stop being such a baby, I try to stop being so shy, but I just cant. I always thought it was just shyness, but maybe I actually do have social anxeity. Or at least a mild case. :/ I dont know.

I miss the country

 I'm sick of the city. 

I miss dancing in the rain and playing hide-and-seek outside in the dark nearly every night.

I miss mud all over my boots and jeans, dirt under my nails, leaves in my messy bun, and my cheeks flushed red from the cold. I miss running around in the woods, riding bikes, and climbing trees till my muscles ache. I miss roasting apples and marshmallows over a big bonfire and watching the orange sparks float up against the dark blue sky like fireflies. I miss being actually able to see the stars instead of them hiding behind buildings or being too dim because of the city lights. I miss being able to run and shout and dance without neighbors being able to see or hear.

I miss home

a dream of mine

   Those of you who know me really well know that I have a soft spot for animals and kids. Those ads on tv showing the starving kids in Africa and such? They kill me. Whenever I hear a story or see pictures about orphans and such around the world, it makes me sad. It kills me seeing children being starving, dirty, and unloved. One missionary chick who visited a church I went to for a bit told us about some children in some country, the Philippines I think. These children were abandoned, and they have never even been touched. In there whole lives, nobody has ever touched them, or if they have, it wasnt pure. They have never had human contact, never had anyone hug them and kiss them and brush the tears away and tell them they are loved. When the missionaries started ministering to them and hugging them and sitting them in thier laps, the kids started crying. After never being touched in thier whole lives, this much love was just overwhelming. They shouldn't have to live like that. I wanna do something about it. When I give money to charities and such to help them, even though I know it helps them, I dont feel like Im doing anything. I dont feel like I am really making a difference. I have to be there, I have to hold them in my arms and hug them and love on them and bless them with anything I can offer with my own hands. Then I feel like I am actually making an impact. SO. Ive had this dream of mine, for a while, something thats been on my heart that I wanna do. When Im older, I wanna buy a big old colonial mansion or farmhouse. Or any house, as long as its big and old (I love old things. They fascinate me. I dont know why.) Just buy a big old homey rustic mansion, with lots of land, something like this.

 

                                      I know, this one is abondoned, It just needs some love :)

A house like that, and just adopt a ton of kids and animals. Children of all ages and nationalties from all over the world. The broken, abandoned, unloved. And pets....cats, dogs, birds, and maybe a horse or two or three ;). And I'll just take care of them. Ill love them. I know, it would be chaos alot of the time. Haha if Im married by then, my husband will just have to deal with it! Cause this is what i really wanna do. This is whats been on my heart for a while. Thats all.

this may sound weird

    I like old graveyards. I know, I know...that sounds kinda weird. But I don't mean in a creepy way. Ive always loved old things, particularly houses and buildings. Old mansions, abandoned churches, stuff like that. They fascinate me. Same with graveyards.There's nothing to be afraid of. Okay, maybe at night. But not because of ghosts or anything, I mean, the peoples souls are already either in Heaven or Hell. Its just scary at night because most everything is scary at night, to me. I don't really like to be outside at night, at least not alone. But I like them during the day, I like to walk through them. To read the little poems or verses on them, to calculate the persons age based on the dates engraved on the weathered stone, to imagine what they might have looked like, what their life would have been like back then. It's one of those things that is a feeling I have but I cant put into words very well. They are just so full of memories. It feels like Im connecting with the past, in a way. And they make me feel sad, but a good kind of sadness. A deep sadness, a sadness of remembering. I cant describe it properly, but some of you may know what I mean. Yeah, Im an emotional person.

No one is un-important

"Who's she?"

"Nobody important."

"Nobody important? Blimey, that's amazing. You know that in nine hundred years of time and space and I've never met anybody who wasn't important before."

 Yet again this goes back to Doctor Who. If there's one thing that show has taught me, its that no-one is unimportant. Everybody has a part to play. When I think about this idea, I immediately think about the people who have been killed, specifically aborted babies, about what they might have done. Sadly, at this very moment, there is probably a baby being aborted right now. But what if the baby was supposed to do something great, like grow up to greatly improve space travel, or make a major breakthrough in the struggle against cancer? Or what if it would do something less noticeable, but equally as important? What if, in 15 or 16 years, that child would have ended up befriending that one outcast girl at school who would have otherwise gone home that night to commit suicide? Or inspire one of its friends to become something great, a friend who previously thought they couldnt do anything worthwhile? But its not just aborted babies. I think everyone impacts some one or something in some way shape or form. When the Berlin wall was torn down, there was a quote found on it. It read something  like "Many little people doing many little things in many little places can change the world" The littlest thing you do could make a huge difference, even if you never knew it. So be careful what you do. Everyone is important. This is the kind of stuff I think about when I'm supposed to be doing History :P