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Thursday, May 2, 2013

Social Anxeity?



So I found this picture on the internet, and it really got me thinking. I've always been shy. I  know, I know, Im not shy once you get to know me (not shy at ALL) but I can actually relate to every one of these. I am homeschooled, but I take classes at a Friday co-op. Theres only about 10 other people in my botany class, and I know every single one by name, and even if the answer is right infront of me, I panic when the teacher calls on me. So I always say I dont know. Thats one reason why I could never go to public school: getting called on in class and/or getting embarassed infront of everyone. Just the thought of it makes me wanna cover my face with my hands and curl into a ball and never come out. Im so scared I'll be embarassed. Thats another thing:embarrassment. I cant handle embarrassment. I just cant handle it. Im pretty sure it could be classified as a legit fear in my case. And I actually do stay awake at night sometimes, reliving my most embarrassing moments. And they do, to a degree, "haunt" me. Another reason I couldnt go to public school is just so many people! Like, I do like people, but that many people? I feel like Im being judged by everyone and Im soooo paraniod of making a fool of myself. Then theres the grocery store. It takes a lot of force and firmness for my mom to park outside the store and get me to go in a buy 1 or 2 things myself. Dont even get me started on phone calls. I cant even call my grandma, guys. My grandma. And my mom is always all "That is sad, Charity. You cant even call yoru grandma. That is sad." I know its sad. I try to stop being such a baby, I try to stop being so shy, but I just cant. I always thought it was just shyness, but maybe I actually do have social anxeity. Or at least a mild case. :/ I dont know.

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